Monthly Archives: June 2019

Top 10 Questions by Women Considering Adoption

If you have found this article, you are probably an expectant mother considering adoption as an option for a unplanned, crisis, or unwanted pregnancy. Since we are often asked similar questions, 1) you can trust that you are not alone! And 2) we have compiled some of our most common adoption questions asked by expectant mothers considering adoption with Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri.

1. If I contact Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri, am I obligated to choose adoption?

When you contact Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri, an adoption specialist will help you objectively explore adoption to determine if it is the best choice for you and your baby, and they will help answer any of your other adoption questions. If you decide adoption is right for you, your adoption specialist will begin working with you on your adoption plan.

2. How much will adoption cost me?

All of Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri services are free to you, including medical expenses, legal services, counseling services, adoptive family matching services and more. Also, based on your state’s adoption laws, you may be eligible to receive living expenses to help cover your pregnancy-related expenses.

3. Do I choose the adoptive family?

You are in charge of nearly every part of your adoption plan, including choosing the adoptive family to raise your baby. Your adoption specialist will work with you to find exactly the type of family you see your child growing up in.

Whether you envision your child growing up in the city or in the country, in the Midwest or on the West Coast, you choose the adoptive family and thus the life your child will have. Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri families are all unique, and we believe there is a perfect family waiting for every woman who is considering adoption.

4. How does Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri screen adoptive families?

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri pre-screens all of our adoptive families to ensure that they:

  • Have completed an extensive home study, ensuring the family has completed criminal, medical and financial checks, and that their home is a safe environment for a child.
  • Are fully committed to adoption.
  • Are accepting of certain contact with you before and after the adoption, including participating in a conference call, meeting at the hospital, and sending pictures and letters for up to 18 years after the adoption.

Finally, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri will provide you with a wealth of knowledge about any family that matches your preferences, so you can perform your own “screening process.”

5. Can I get to know the adoptive family?

We believe it is very important for you to get to know the family you have chosen before proceeding with the adoption. This ensures that it is a good match and that you both share the same goals.

Here are some ways in which you can get to know the adoptive parents:

  • Conference Calls – A phone conversation between you and the adoptive family with your adoption specialist being present on the call as well.
  • Email Exchange – A popular way to quickly ask questions or provide updates without having to call one another.
  • Visits – An in-person meeting between you and the adoptive parents.

Your adoption specialist will help guide you throughout this process of getting to know the adoptive parents and selecting the type of adoption you wish to plan.

6. Can I have a relationship with my baby?

Over the past few decades, adoption has become increasingly “open” in that birth parents have more opportunities than ever to continue a relationship with their child and the adoptive parents.

You have the opportunity to stay a part of your child’s life with:

  • Pictures and Letters – The adoptive family sends you pictures and letters in the mail or email of your child at least once per year.
  • Phone Calls/Skype – You may talk to your child and the adoptive parents over the phone or through Skype.
  • Visits – Many of our adoptive families are interested in open adoption, meaning they are excited for you to maintain a personal relationship with your child.

7. Will my child “hate” me for choosing adoption?

Today, most adopted children love and respect their birth parents for the selfless decision they made, which provided them with the best life possible. Think about it: a child who grows up with loving parents, a comfortable home, a good school and is provided an overall great life is going to be a pretty happy kid.

Why would a child have any ill feelings toward his or her birth parents for making such an awesome decision?

This concern is most likely a product of adoptions prior to the 1980s, which emotionally scarred some adopted children because they weren’t told of their adoption properly. Since adoption has opened up over the past 30 years, today’s adopted children, adolescents and adults often have overwhelmingly positive feelings about their adoption and birth parents.

8. Can I still choose adoption if I have other children?

You may be surprised to know that many of the women we work with already have children.

If this describes your situation, your adoption specialist will guide you on how to approach this delicate topic with your other children, and even on how to include them in the process. We can even provide counseling to your other children, when necessary.

9. Will adoptive parents love my child like a biological child?

Nearly all adoptive parents have tried for years to have children, but they are unable to because of infertility. Because of their struggles, it makes their desire to become parents even stronger.

This is why adopted children often have such happy lives filled with opportunities, because their parents know the feeling of not having children. Once they are blessed with a child, he or she is truly the light of their lives.

And even with families made up of both adopted and biological children, they are all loved and treated equally.

10. When will I feel better and more confident about my adoption decision?

Women often feel better about their adoption decision when they begin looking at adoptive families and finally find the perfect family for their child.

If you pursue an adoption plan, once you select a family and get to know them, the family becomes more “real” and not just a family seen through pictures and video. You are able to see how excited they are to become parents and why they would make such great parents.

Finally, by staying connected after the adoption, you will see that your child is happy and healthy, which makes most birth mothers feel awesome about the life they’ve created and the opportunity they’ve provided for a family.

——————————————————————

This is just a sample of the many questions asked by women considering adoption. If you have any other questions about adoption, call us toll free at Toll Free: 1-877-903-4488 to speak with an adoption specialist. Serving expectant women across Kansas and Missouri, you can also contact us online here.

The Hospital Experience for Birth Mothers

For birth mothers, the hospital stay is incredibly strenuous both physically and mentally. Because of this, it is important to set up a hospital plan, so that you can be fully prepared for what to expect. In the hospital, the birth mother has options about what she wants to do both before, during, and after birth. In Missouri, there are specific practices that help birth mothers through the hospital stay process. Below is some specific information for birth parents looking to create a hospital plan in the state of Missouri.

Consent for adoption: In Missouri, before the adoption can become official, there is a 48- hour waiting period. After that 48 hours, the birth mother can officially give her consent. The birth father, if present, can give his consent at any point during the 48 hours. After this period, formal consent must be submitted in writing. The birth mother, the birth father (if he established paternity), and the adoptive parents, must all consent to the adoption. In addition, there must be two other witnesses present. After this, there is typically a 3-day waiting period before the adoption can be finalized legally. During these 3 days, the birth mother is able to think about her decision. Even if she initially consented to the adoption, she has the right to change her mind. Once it is formally reviewed and accepted by the court, the adoption is official. During this period, the birth mother also has a right to choose how she wants to spend it with her baby. This is why it is important to come up with an appropriate hospital plan to meet your individual needs.

 Creating a hospital plan: A birth mother has complete control about how she wants her hospital experience to be. In Missouri, a birth mother even has the option to decide if she wants the adoptive parents in the delivery room at the time of the birth. She also can decide who gets to hold the child first. Once the birth occurs, the birth mother can decide how many visitors she can have during the hospital stay and who is able to come to visit you and your new baby. The birth mother also has the right to name her baby, even if the adoptive parents decide to legally change the name after the adoption. During your hospital stay, a birth mother also can decide how much time she spends with the child. While the decision is up to the mother, statistics indicate that spending more time with your child, while difficult, can help the birth mother grieve and give her the closure she needs.

After the birth: Once the baby is born and placed with their adoptive family, the adoption process continues. The adoption plan has been decided on continues. The birth mother will have worked out an appropriate agreement with the adoptive parents about how much contact she will be able to have with the child. The birth mother is also given the appropriate resources to help with the grieving process. It is important to remember that the hospital stay is one of the most emotional parts of the process. Remember that all your feelings about the situation are valid and important. Because of this, it is important to understand your rights and know that even if you made a pre-existing hospital plan, you can change your mind at any point.

Julianna McKenna is a college student at Saint Mary’s College in Notre Dame, Indiana double majoring in English Writing and Psychology. She is passionate about adoption and foster care and is considering a career in adoption law or counseling. In January 2019, Julianna became an intern for Adoption Choices of Kansas, Inc. She is incredibly dedicated to promoting children’s rights and is excited to research and advocate for children.

 

 

References:

Adoptions Together. (2018, August 07). Placing a Baby for adoption and your hospital stay. Retrieved from https://www.adoptionstogether.org/blog/2018/08/01/what-all-birth-moms-should-know-about-the-hospital-stay/

American Adoptions, Inc. (n.d.). “What does adoption mean to a child?” Retrieved from https://www.americanadoptions.com/missouri-adoption/giving-baby-up-for-adoption-in-missouri.

How to adopt in Missouri. (n.d.) Retrieved from https://consideringadoption.com/adoptions-by-state/how-to-adopt-in-missouri.

Contact Us 24/7