Category Archives: Blog

Transracial Adoption Success Story 

Transracial Adoption Success Story 

When a birth mother hears about transracial adoption, there may be feelings of worry surrounding how her child will remember and learn about his or her birth family and community. This valid concern is not always met with an easy answer or solution. Many transracial adoptees may not grow up to know about their birth families and cultures, which can lead to poor self- esteem and feelings of isolation within their adoptive families. 

Yet, there are just as many transracial adoptees who have had positive experiences with their adoptive families, who have prioritized the adoptee’s cultural identity. This week Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri will be discussing a transracial adoption success story and what has made it successful. Today, we will be hearing Elisa’s story that highlights important points that have contributed to her success as a transracial adoptee. 

Having a Relationship with the Birth Mother and Birth Community 

Elisa was adopted at the age of three by her adoptive parents, David and Joan, and was raised in Vermont. Elisa was not talkative at first, as she took in her new surroundings, home and family. Even before Elisa began to talk, her adoptive parents showed her photos of her birth mother, explaining to Elisa who her birth mother is and how she is doing. David and Joan decided to have and maintain communication with Elisa’s birth mother as they established their adoption agreement and started their adoption journey together. Through the exchange of letters and photos, David and Joan were able to talk and share news about Elisa with her birth mother, and vise versa, as Elisa grew up. 

By having her adoptive parents welcome any questions, Elisa did not have to wonder who her birth mother was, what she was like, or about her birth culture. Elisa’s birth mother had an active role and presence in her life and her adoptive parents’ lives. Through this, Elisa learned the significance of her birth culture and developed a strong and healthy sense of identity as she grew up. She didn’t have to struggle with  feelings of loss and guilt, or put up emotional barriers, because she had the answers readily available to her.. 

Adoptive Parents Supporting their Transracial Adoptee’s Cultural Identity 

Beyond David and Joan establishing and maintaining communication with her birth mother, they welcomed Elisa’s identity and culture. They did not forget, erase or remove her identity and culture. To protect and nurture Elisa, they put their interests and concerns aside. They cultivated an environment that protected her against bigotry and promoted belonging. They acknowledged that race and culture matter. 

Being connected to one’s culture and heritage is essential for transracial adoptees. Elisa’s adoptive parents asked themselves before starting on their lifelong adoption journey, why do we want to adopt? They also took time to research and understand the culture she came from. The most important holidays, the food and what life was like within her birth culture. This helped them better connect not only with Elisa, but also her birth mother. Before adopting Elisa, David and Joan thought about what their child will need to live and flourish in the world and how they could have their own transracial adoption success story. One of the many essential things they committed to doing was recognizing and respecting the birth mother’s want to be a part of her child’s life. 

Finding Role Models that Uplift

Elisa’s adoptive family made an effort to find role models in their community that were successful, which showed Elisa that she could be successful too. Having successful role models in her life as she grew up allowed Elisa to see and realize that she is worthy of success. That stereotypes, prejudice and discrimination are wrong, and that the negative narratives perpetrated in society are not true. Having good role models also helped Elisa further connect with her culture and continually foster a positive sense of belonging and community. Role models also helped Elisa further to validate her adoption story as a transracial adoptee. Elisa grew up to know that she is her own person and not a child that her adoptive parents saved. 

The Secret to Transracial Adoption Success

All adoptee stories are unique, and Elisa’s story shares with us a few things that made her adoption successful. Her adoptive parents put Elisa first. This made a significant impact on how their adoption journey turned into a transracial adoption success story. Elisa’s adoptive parents were not afraid to ask for help, paid attention to representation in their community and school and checked their biases. They also had open communication with Elisa’s birth mother, which allowed them to develop a relationship with her, and further strengthen their relationship with Elisa. 

Everyone has a different definition of success, but one of the most important factors of adoption success is always putting the interests of your child first. To not place your personal agenda before your child.

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

Sources: 

Harness, Susan Devan. “Adopting a child of a different race? Let’s talk.”

     Address presented at TedxMileHigh. YouTube. Last modified July 25, 2019.

     Accessed July 1, 2020. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uORk3TGSCl4

Mehra, Nishta. “10 Tips for a Successful Transracial Adoption.” Mash-Up

     Americans. Accessed July 1, 2020. http://www.mashupamericans.com/family/10-tips-for-a-successful-transracial-adoption/ 

“Transracial Adoption: How to Help Your Child Succeed.” Right Turn. Accessed

     July 1, 2020. https://rightturnne.org/transracial-adoption-how-to-help-your-child-succeed/   

 

Open Adoption Success Story

Open Adoption Success Story

The adoption process is something that both adoptive families and birth mothers should consider and take seriously. This includes choosing what level of openness you want to have in your adoption agreement plan. There are three levels to choose from: open, semi-open and closed. Each level has their own pros and cons and requires research to determine which best fits you and your family. 

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri encourages open adoption, as we believe this agreement keeps everyone’s best interests at heart. It allows birth mothers to have more control over their adoption journey and helps you establish strong, healthy relationships with your child’s adoptive parents. Open adoptions also typically mean that your child will be able to build an equally strong and healthy connection with you. To illustrate this, we want to share Crystal’s open adoption success story.

Crystal’s Story 

Crystal struggled with infertility. She’d gone through treatments and surgeries. Her two children — a son or daughter — were from two different birth mothers, and had open adoption agreements with both of them. 

Crystal’s daughter, Elizabeth, was originally going to be a closed adoption, but was then changed to an open and had been working well for seven years. Her son, Timothy, was adopted four years later. His birth mother and grandmother very happily agreed to an open adoption and enjoyed the frequent in-person visits and contact with him, Crystal and her husband. When his birth mother remarried, she invited the whole family, which strengthened their relationship even more.

Contact with Elizabeth’s birth mother happened more slowly, but then began to improve. At Timothy’s fourth birthday party, his birth mother invited Elizabeth’s birth family. Her birth mother showed up and made the party extra special for Elizabeth.

What was the Secret to Crystal’s Open Adoption Success Story

For Crystal, her open adoption was successful in two ways. The first was through having open communication and, the second, staying consistent with that. All adoption journeys are different and can go at different speeds, but that’s natural. If you are a birth mother considering an open adoption agreement and aren’t comfortable with a lot of communication at first, let your child’s adoptive parents know. It’s ok to take some time to healthfully grieve and process once the adoption has been finalized. Discuss this with your adoption caseworker as well.

Open adoptions are a great choice when it comes to adoption, especially when it means that you could have the opportunity to watch your child grow into the happy, healthy and independent adult they are meant to be. Also, it can give you the peace of mind you want and the reassurance that you made the right choice for you and your child.

An Open Adoption Success Story

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri fully supports you and your adoption decisions. Open adoptions are a wonderful choice, and, while we know that it may not be your go to, we hope that after having taken a look at Crystal’s story, you will take some time into looking more into open adoptions. Perhaps you might even end up selecting an open adoption in the end! 

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Jason Legasse is a rising senior English major studying at Siena Collegein Loudonville, New York. He hails from the Albany, New York area, but has plans to relocate to sunny Venice, Florida with his mom come Fall. After completing his bachelor’s degree, Jason plans to study General Special Education at Meredith College, where he will earn a Master’s degree and use that to teach middle school Special Education.

Jason is a self-proclaimed introvert with Asperger’s who really enjoys writing. He has a huge passion for helping others, specifically those with disabilities. He is very excited to be working with Adoption Choices over the summer, and looks forward to learning more about the adoption process! 

Reference:

 

 

Single Parent Adoption Success Story

Single Parent Adoption Success Story

For the month of July, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri will be focusing on adoption stories. This week, we will be discussing single parent adoption success and what that means. Until recently, single parent adoption was quite uncommon and has been framed in negativity in the past. Our society has held to the stereotype that a child needs two parents. However, single women and men have shown in recent decades that they are just as successful to be parents. 

It is important to note that no one is perfect and everyone has a different definition of “success.” Being a single parent of an adopted child is a unique experience that is both rewarding and challenging. Having a strong support system as a single parent is essential and can help with one’s adoption journey. What does single parent adoption success look like? What does one need to consider before adopting as a single parent? Let’s find out. 

Why Single Parents Want to Adopt

Single parents, like married couples, desire to adopt a child and have a family. He or she is prepared to take on the role of parenthood, and nurture and love a child in a secure, healthy environment. A single parent can provide for a child physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.  Studies have proven that a single parent is often more emotionally and financially stable, and can give their child a fulfilling life. 

What to Acknowledge before Single Parent Adoption 

A successful single parent hasn’t taken the choice to adopt lightly. They’ve carefully thought through this life-changing decision. This is extremely vital to the process, and an adoption professional will want to know that you are being honest with yourself. That you fully understand the commitment of raising a child. For instance, knowing how to deal with the challenges from societal perspectives and pressures of being a single parent. 

It can be helpful for both you to learn the experiences of other single parents, and ensure that you have a support system around you in the good times and bad. You should remember that you do not have to go through any of your adoption journey alone. Achieving single parent adoption success comes with help from others who value your child’s life and your well-being. It is also important to reflect before becoming a single parent of an adoptee and realize that everything you do for your child is in his or her best interest.

Growing and being Successful as a Single Adoptive Parent

To thrive as a single adoptive parent, remember to take care of yourself. Self-care is beneficial for yourself and will help you maintain a balanced mindset to provide the best life for your child. This will carry through the more challenging moments where you feel overwhelmed and doubtful. Surround yourself with people who are not judgmental, but who encourage and inspire you. Who spark your confidence and sense of independence. These two positive characteristics can, in turn, teach your child and help them establish a strong sense of self. 

Take one thing at a time. Know that you can and will get over hurdles that adoptive parenthood presents. Stay motivated. Rely on your trustworthy support system and remember that the environment you create as a single parent will stay with your child forever. So, make sure your home is happy, healthy, safe and promotes success.

Furthermore, know that your role as a single adoptive parent does not end once your child is grown up. Your responsibilities may change and manifest in different ways, but you are still a parent and the same person who decided to start a family.

Single Adoptive Parents 

Single parent adoption success shows that single parents can provide stability for their child, and that the child can have the best life possible — as much as he or she would in a two-parent family. Adoption Choices of Missouri celebrates single adoptive parents and believes that they deserve the chance to raise families. 

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

 

 

Sources:

https://www.adoptionstogether.org/adopting/single-parent-adoption/ 

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/surviving-and-thriving-as-a-single-mom/ 

 

Types of Birth Fathers- Known vs. Unknown

Types of Birth Fathers– Known vs. Unknown

There may be many things that come to mind when you think of a birth father. You might think of a birth father as the father of a child who he is not aware of or present in the child’s life. You might think of a birth father as someone who is not married to a birth mother. There are many assumptions one can make, whether correct or incorrect, about who a birth father is. Yet, many beliefs are founded upon stereotypes that are negative and portray all birth fathers as absent, careless and lazy.

There is not much accurate information available about birth fathers in general. However, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri believes it is important to recognize that birth fathers are as important as birth mothers in the adoption process. A birth father, whether he is known or unknown, is a part of the child’s life and the reason he or she exists. He may be in a relationship with, married to or divorced from the birth mother. Knowing the role of each birth parent is essential to understanding adoption and how it affects everyone involved.

To clarify, let’s discuss the two different types of birth fathers– known vs. unknown — and what each entails.

Who is a Birth Father? 

To begin, let’s first establish who a birth father is. A birth father is the father of a child who is adopted or is in the process of becoming an adoptee. A birth father’s relationship with his child varies depending on his position in the adoption journey. Some birth fathers may or may not have parental rights and some may or may not be in a relationship with the child’s birth mother. What remains constant is that a birth father helped bring life into this world, and will forever be a part of his child. Every birth father is unique as is his child.

Types of Birth Fathers

A Known Birth Father

When a birth father is known, he may be in favor of adoption, have a neutral opinion or be against it. If a known birth father does not want to be involved in the adoption process, he will need to sign away his parental rights so the adoption can move forward and be legally finalized.

On the other hand, if a known birth father wants to be a part of the adoption process and is in favor of adoption, he and the birth mother can meet with an adoption agency to create an adoption plan. Even if the birth father chooses to be involved in the adoption process, the birth mother still has ultimate say on what this looks like. This largely depends on what kind of relationship the birth parents share. For instance, a birth mother is more apt to allow the birth father to help support her if they have a strong and healthy relationship. However, if they are recently split or haven’t been on speaking terms for a long time, she might not feel comfortable with him being there. Whatever the case, the birth father must be prepared to respect the birth mother and support however she chooses to place her child for adoption.

Showing support and committing to the adoption plan with the birth mother shows that the birth father wants to give his child a better life. Adoption is a very emotional decision and not one that can be taken lightly. Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri is dedicated to helping birth parents through the initial adoption,  transition and beyond. Counseling services are available to both the birth mother and father at no cost to either of them.

An Unknown Birth Father

An unknown birth father is someone who is either not around or not known by the birth mother. In other words, she doesn’t know anything about him. He could be anyone from a one-stand to a man who sexually assaulted her. Unknown birth fathers are, unfortunately, very common within the adoption industry. But don’t worry. This doesn’t mean that your adoption process will be halted. You are still able to place your baby for adoption and search for prospective adoptive parents.

In cases like this, our agency does our due diligence to locate him with any and all information the birth mother is able to provide. If the birth father does not appear within the allotted time, the adoption process is allowed to continue and become finalized without his signature.

Birth Fathers and Adoption

If you are thinking about adoption or have already begun your adoption journey, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can help you determine if your child’s birth father is known or unknown, and can provide guidance as to what steps to take. Remember that you are making a crucial decision that can be life-changing for your child, and that we are here to support you every step of the way. Depending on your situation with your child’s birth father, his presence or absence will not impact your adoption journey, so long as you and your baby are safe and healthy.

If you have any questions or concerns regarding your specific circumstances, don’t hesitate to reach out to our adoption caseworkers. We are more than happy to put your mind at ease, and will ensure that you have the most empowering and positive adoption journey possible — both with and without your child’s birth father.

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus.

 

Choosing a Single Adoptive Father as a Birth Mother

Choosing a Single Adoptive Father as a Birth Mother

A child does not have to grow up in a mother-father dynamic in order to be loved unconditionally. Choosing a single adoptive father as a birth mother has many positive aspects, such as an increased sense of independence and a stronger work ethic. As a birth mother, you don’t need to feel like you’re sacrificing the future of your child by choosing a single adoptive father. You may have specific wants and requirements for your child’s life that only he could provide. So, think of it more as you are merely selecting a different path. 

Deciding who will raise your child is not something to be taken lightly. It takes a lot of thought and research. But don’t worry – you are not alone. Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri is here to help you every step of the way. 

To get you started, here are several things to consider when choosing a single adoptive father to raise your child:

Fathers can be as Nurturing as Mothers

The “stay-at-home mother” character has been ingrained in society for forever. It’s to the disadvantage of single fathers, because a common perception is that it’s the mother’s role to love, teach and care for the children. But a child raised by a single adoptive father can be just as loved and cared for as one raised by two parents. 

Let’s dive into the benefits of choosing a single adoptive father:

  1. Undivided Attention

Choosing a single adoptive father as a birth mother ensures that a child receives undivided attention. Additionally, a child raised by a single adoptive parent is brought up under only one set of ideals. This can allow your child to become more confident in themselves at an early age. Co-parenting can be met with unmatched beliefs, leaving a child stuck in the middle and unsure of what to think. This can, in the end, lead to less fighting.

It’s well known that children brought up in peaceful households are happier and healthier. Some children even prefer this set up. Meeting an entire new family can be overwhelming, but a single adoptive father can make easing into the process much easier.

  1. Lessons that a Father Teaches

A father teaches kids to change a tire and check their oil (really all things car-related). He teaches them how to balance a checkbook. How to fish. Teaches the importance of a strong work ethic. He also shows by example, which your child will learn by watching him as they grow up. But above all, a single adoptive father teaches your child his or her value. He will remind them every day that he or she is worth more than they could imagine.

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri is here to help!

  1. No Love Lost

Even if, as a birth mother, you choose a single adoptive father, your child will not be any less loved. As single fathers are often more settled in their life, there will be less pressure on him in his career and more time for him to devote to your child. He will ensure that your child gets into a good school, help him or her with their schoolwork, and support them as they grow. He will protect them and prepare them for the real world.

Along with him, your child will also have a family – uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins who will love and cherish them. A single-parent household does not mean less love or support. There’s always help right around the corner. Family can be found anywhere.

  1. They Want It

Single adoptive fathers who decide to adopt have spent a long time carefully planning and preparing. It isn’t something they’ve chosen to do lightly. Rather, they have made sure they are financially stable and in a place where they can have a family without the immediate help of a partner or spouse.

Studies show that single father households do just as well as single mother households, so you don’t need to worry about your child not giving the love and attention they need and deserve. A single adoptive father is dedicated and fully committed to giving your child the chance to live their best life. 

Choosing a Single Adoptive Father as a Birth Mother

Selecting a prospective adoptive parent to raise your child is a big decision. There is a lot to consider. Remember to ask your adoption caseworker any and all questions you have and address any concerns. If you are wanting to choose a single adoptive father for your child, we hope that this resource has helped ease any anxieties you had. 

At the end of the day, remember to choose who you think would be the best fit for your child. Someone who will give him or her their best life and provide them with opportunities to be successful. Single adoptive fathers are great individuals to think about. Not only are they excited about growing their family through adoption, but they are also dedicated and fully committed to the adoption process. Rest assured, they will do their utmost to raise your child into the happy, healthy, independent adult that he or she is meant to be.

Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Anna DeJonge was born in Michigan as the coolest triplet in the trio. She moved to Florida for school to broaden her horizons and travel the country. She’s double majoring in creative writing and communications, as her two passions are writing and people. When she’s not writing, she can be found snuggling up with her dog, hiking in the great outdoors, or reading a fantasy novel. After graduation, she hopes to move to the Big Apple and work for a publishing company or literary magazine, while writing her own stories on the side. 

 

 

Gift Ideas for Birth Fathers

Gift Ideas for Birth Fathers

With Father’s Day fast approaching, you may be wondering what you could give to your child’s birth father as a gift. After all, with you having recently celebrated Mother’s Day, chances are that you may have received something from him. For birth fathers, Father’s Day brings a lot of meaning to them. Whether he is a first-time father or already has children, the title of “father” celebrates a huge accomplishment and is a sense of pride. 

That said, what are the best gifts to commemorate the occasion? WDon’t worry. We have you covered. We’ve compiled a list of  great gift ideas for birth fathers. We hope that you will consider some of these gifts if you are having trouble deciding what to give your child’s birth father for Father’s Day. 

Gift Ideas for Birth Fathers

  1. A souvenir from his favorite sports team. With COVID-19 having cancelled all sports, there’s a chance that this may have disappointed your child’s birth father. Perhaps you enjoy the same team that he does, or you like his rival! 

Gifted souvenirs are usually inexpensive and can be found at a wide variety of online stores like Amazon, or at some sports stores like Dick’s Sporting Goods. Your child’s birth father will be delighted to receive a gift from you. Gifts from his favorite sports team are wonderful, because it could be a way that your family bonds, and it could be something that he enjoys. We encourage you to shop around. We can guarantee that you will find a sports related gift that he will like!

  1. Make him his favorite food! The word “making” has a wide variety of definitions, which can greatly benefit you when deciding what type of gifts you want to create for your child’s birth father. If you are a baker or a chef, you could always make him his favorite food. Or if you want to be more creative, make him something new! You could also invent a new dish out of some of his favorite foods or ingredients! 

As the way to every man’s heart is through his stomach, Father’s Day is a great opportunity for you to cook or bake for him. You could serve your meal to him when your family is eating Father’s Day dinner. The chances are if he likes it, maybe you will too! Any birth father would love to eat some food, and he knows that something homemade is special. 

  1. Make him something homemade! If you are not someone who enjoys baking or cooking, you could always make him something homemade. Homemade gifts are very inexpensive, and we can guarantee that your child’s birth father will appreciate whatever you make for him. Although this might not have been your first idea,  doing something with your hands, such as tracing or writing can be a very therapeutic activity. If you are still expecting, you could write things like your child’s name or predict what his or her interests will be when they are born. Not only is this idea fun, but it’s also  that you and your child’s birth father will love! If your baby has already been born, maybe you could do the same thing, but with his or her hand. This can be a great idea, especially because your child’s birth father will cherish having this little reminder as your child grows. 

Adoption can be tough on first time birth fathers, especially on a day that highlights them. Your child may not be physically present, but having homemade gifts directly related to him or her, like a handprint, can make Father’s Day a day to remember. This is especially true if you, or your child’s birth father do not plan to see your child that day. 

  1. Write a handwritten note. Everybody knows that cards are typically for Father’s Day and with Mother’s Day, as are flowers. But when you were growing up, did you ever handwrite a note to your father? This could be a great idea for your child’s birth father, if you two have a good relationship. 

Just like homemade gifts, a card with a note inside is personalized and comes from the heart. First time fathers, especially, are adjusting to becoming fathers, and a note can express how excited you are to have your child, and that you look forward to watching your child after the adoption finalizes. If your child’s birth father is struggling over the idea that you are expecting, a friendly card can allow him to breathe and be proud that he will soon be a father. Cards with notes are simple, yet gifts that he will treasure forever. 

Birth Fathers and Father’s Day

Father’s Day is a special day of the year that celebrates new, expecting and repeat fathers. For some fathers, this day is not one that he may look forward to. For others, it may be. Whatever the case may be with your child’s birth father, these gift ideas are mostly inexpensive and can brighten his day, no matter the situation. Especially with the stress of adoption, gifts like these can allow him to be more open to adoption and allow him to breathe a little bit more. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more!
Call Us 877-903-4488 or Text Us 316-209-2071

Meet the Author: Jason Legasse is a rising senior English major studying at Siena Collegein Loudonville, New York. He hails from the Albany, New York area, but has plans to relocate to sunny Venice, Florida with his mom come Fall. After completing his bachelor’s degree, Jason plans to study General Special Education at Meredith College, where he will earn a Master’s degree and use that to teach middle school Special Education.

Jason is a self-proclaimed introvert with Asperger’s who really enjoys writing. He has a huge passion for helping others, specifically those with disabilities. He is very excited to be working with Adoption Choices over the summer, and looks forward to learning more about the adoption process!

 

Ways to Celebrate Birth Fathers on Father’s Day

Ways to Celebrate Birth Fathers on Father’s Day

With Father’s Day this weekend, you may be thinking about ways to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day. Typically Father’s Day overlooks birth fathers and their significance, but they too should be celebrated and acknowledged. Celebrating birth fathers on Father’s Day can look different for everyone. Some may have a tradition they share with loved ones, or some may do something individually to celebrate the day. Regardless of the form of celebration on Father’s Day, Adoption Choices of Missouri recognizes the importance of birth fathers as they have brought life into the world and will forever be a part of their child. 

When a birth father is not present in a child’s life, it can be a challenge to answer questions the child may ask on Father’s Day about his or her birth father. Focus on the positive impact the birth father has had on the child, even if the child has no contact with him. Having open conversations with the child about his or her birth father helps deal with and express emotions they have. It can be encouraging for the adoptee to know that his or her birth father made the brave decision to give them life through choosing their adoptive family. That selfless choice alone is something to be celebrated and cherished on Father’s Day. 

Let’s talk about ways to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day that you can do as a family or individually: 

1) Establish a Tradition 

One way to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day is by establishing a yearly tradition. To create a tradition, you may think of an activity or of a place that the birth father enjoys or goes to often. If you have limited information about the birth father, that’s okay. You can still begin the unique tradition by asking the child of a special activity or place he or she would like. 

For instance, as a family, you can go to the beach or lake, go for a bike ride, or build something together, such as the adoptee’s family tree. The important thing to remember is to have fun with the tradition and make memories that you can look back on in the coming years. 

2) Communicate with a Birth Father 

Another great way to celebrate is by communicating with the birth father through a letter, card or phone call. This can be a great way to honor a birth father on Father’s Day, particularly in an open adoption. The adoptive child may be able to express their feelings easier by writing a note to him or talking to him on the phone. 

Having the child get his or her feelings out on paper or through talking can benefit their r understanding of Father’s Day overall. It can also mean a great deal to the birth father to hear from the child, as it can help him positively reaffirm the decision he made. A gesture of acknowledgment from the adopted child and family to the birth father can go a long way for everyone involved in the adoption journey. 

3) Increase Recognition of Birth Fathers

Make Father’s Day an opportunity to discuss with your family the role of birth fathers. Directly answering questions, an adoptee may have can benefit his or her misunderstanding of the significance of birth parents. You can also read other birth parents’ stories or listen to podcasts to broaden and strengthen your perspective and awareness that birth parents’ existence is important. Using positive language in your discussions with your family about a birth father to appreciate him even if he is unknown to the adoptee, can help to increase recognition. Having conversations may also bring your family closer together as you learn and celebrate birth fathers throughout the lifelong adoption journey. 

4) Celebrate In Your Own Way(s) 

It is important to remember to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day in ways that are most comfortable for the adoptee and his or her adoptive family. There is no requirement to celebrate a birth father who is not present or known to the child, especially if it brings about unnecessary pain. However you want to or not want to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day is completely fine. 

It is also significant to remember that one cannot simply define what a father is. The choice you make to celebrate or not celebrate a birth father on Father’s Day does not discredit his fatherhood journey. One of the best things you can do on Father’s Day is to show that you care for the fathers in your life in the ways you want to, whether big or small. 

Ways to Celebrate Birth Fathers on Father’s Day

Whichever ways you choose to celebrate birth fathers on Father’s Day, know that a birth father is a valuable part of a child just as much as an adoptive father even if they are not present. A birth father brought your child into the world and directly or indirectly committed to adoption, giving a child a chance to have the best possible life and for a family to be complete. 

Let’s honor all birth fathers every year for their positive impact on a child, and for embracing the beautiful choice of adoption. 

To all of the important fathers and father figures: Happy Father’s Day!

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus. 

When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery. 

Signs an Adoptive Father will Be Great for Your Child

Signs an Adoptive Father will Be Great for Your Child

Whether you’re a birth mother thinking about adoption or you’ve already committed to making an adoption plan, you may be wondering what some signs an adoptive father will be great for your child are? Taking this step to think about adoptive parents is a courageous and selfless act, as you are putting the best interests for your child first. As a birth mother, it can be difficult not to doubt such a life-changing decision and to deal with overwhelming emotions at times, but know that Adoption Choices of Missouri  is here for you. We stand behind your choice to choose adoption for your child. 

Meeting with prospective adoptive families and asking questions can be very helpful to determine if a prospective adoptive father will be the best fit for your child or not. Opening up to the adoptive parents and sharing your feelings about meeting with them can be a good start. It is valid for a birth mother to feel anxious and/or excited about the initial meeting and building a relationship with the prospective adoptive family. More than likely, the adoptive parents are so happy that they have a chance to meet with you and are eager to build a relationship. As a birth mother, you can share with the prospective adoptive parents what you want for your child and engage with their responses and reactions. It is also important to remember that a first impression does make a difference when finding the right adopted family for your child. 

Possessing emotional maturity. An adoptive father that shows strong potential will be emotionally mature, focused, and prepared to fill their role. The adoptive father has his mind in the present and has seriously thought about adoption and the commitment he must demonstrate to the child and family. An adoptive father will also acknowledge that the adoption journey is lifelong and that he will be a part of it. As the child grows, the adoptive parents will be open and comfortable to have discussions as a family about adoption. 

Acceptance. As an adoptive father assumes his role, he will accept the child and be a parent that will foster a supportive environment for the child to grow and learn. The adoptive father tries to be in the present and helps the child achieve goals through measured steps while not being focused on what may happen in the future. An adoptive father will also recognize the efforts he will have to commit to earn the child’s acceptance and process behaviors that he may not have dealt with before. Listening and being patient can benefit the adoptive father as he gradually builds his relationship with the child. 

Motivated. It is important that an adoptive father is motivated in his role and keeps personal objectives such as strengthening a marriage out of being a father. The adoption journey that he is a part of centers around the best intentions for the child, and that alone can be an adoptive father’s motivation. Being motivated can help the adoptive father meet challenges and overcome them through developing a trusting relationship with the child. An adoptive father knows that he has to put his interests after the child’s to be a good parent. 

Flexible. Being flexible in the role of an adoptive father is a good sign of team parenting where both adoptive parents keep each other balanced. Flexibility also benefits a parent from becoming overwhelmed as they have support, which establishes the family as a whole. It can be further beneficial to have the family’s perspective as a unit, so good interactions between adoptive parents and the child can occur. This can be practiced by the adoptive parents being communicative and transparent between each other and the child. 

Patient. An adoptive father who is understanding and prepared for the child to take time to adjust to the adoptive family demonstrates patience. Practicing patience can make way for an adoptive father to have tolerance towards the child’s emotions and behavior that may not always be positive. The adoptive parents will acknowledge and help the child work through his or her behavior without speaking for the child, but listening and then discussing with them. The adoptive father will also realize that having patience can help the development of the family as both adoptive parents and child grow together and individually. 

Signs an Adoptive Father will Be Great for Your Child

These are just some among the many signs an adoptive father will be great for your child. Such characteristics will continue to grow throughout the lifelong adoption journey for the adoptive parents. It is important to remember to meet the challenges along the adoption journey with optimism and love, always seeking the best for the child. Both you and the birth father can be grateful to find an adoptive family who can provide the resources and dedication for their child that they may not have been able to give. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri acknowledges all mothers and the positive impact they have on their child(ren). A birth mother will forever be uniquely part of her child as she brought him or her into the world. An adoptive father will be there for the child to foster a healthy relationship and provide support for his or her wellbeing to make sure they will have the best life possible. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Melissa Benedek is currently a junior at Bard College in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York. She is a Literature major with interest in American regional writing. One of her on-campus jobs focuses on organizing volunteer opportunities with local partnerships for students. She is also a founding editor of Sonnet Literary Magazine based out of her college campus. 

When not focused on academics, Melissa enjoys traveling into New York City to support independent bookstores and buy the best cookies at Levain Bakery. 

 

The Pros and Cons of LGBT Adoption

The Pros and Cons of LGBT Adoption

The LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community has been through a lot over the past five years. It was only then when the supreme court ruled that LGBT couples could legally get married. They have constantly been hurt by others, and many members of this community may suffer doubts as a result. In terms of adoption, however, they are one of the most popular types of couples and individuals that birth mothers choose when considering adoption. 

Today, Adoption Choices of Missouri wants to highlight the many pros and cons of LGBT adoption.

Pros of LGBT Adoption

Two parents of the same sex can be good for development. With LGBT couples, it is no surprise that a major benefit is having two parents of the same sex.  As your baby grows older, he or she will see that it is okay to not have just one mom and one dad as adoptive parents. He or she, instead, will feel more comfortable with having two dads or two moms. 

Having LGBT parents can also make your baby more informed. Although it is likely that your baby may notice criticism among the LGBT community, they will learn how to stand up for themselves and their adoptive parents. With having parents of the same sex, your baby has a clear advantage of being more accepting of others’ differences, tolerance, individuality and diversity.

Your baby can grow up to be understanding. It is not uncommon  for LGBT couples to be more accepting and tolerant of others’ differences..These are huge characteristics of being understanding. Your child can learn how to forgive quicker when he or she makes a mistake, and learn how to better understand others as well. 

The world is full of people who do not forgive. These people end up losing their relationships and can grow up to become miserable. With your baby learning to accept others for who they are, he or she will come to know that the world needs more forgiving people. 

Cons of LGBT Adoption

Judgement will arise. Even though people are generally becoming more accepting of the LGBT community, there is still a good number of people that believe that the LGBT community is different. That they do not deserve the same rights as heterosexual couples. You may be worried that judgement will forever hurt your baby, but as we discussed previously about the pros of adoption, your baby will learn to accept differences. As he or she grows up, they will be able to stand up for themselves and refrain from typical judgements that arise within the LGBT community. 

Judgements are a way for the LGBT community to only grow stronger. Even though judgements will happen, your baby will learn to recognize differences and grow up to become more alert in an ever-changing society. 

People will assume your baby is also a member of the LGBT community. Obviously, this is not really a con, but something important to point out. If you are concerned that placing your child with an LGBT adoptive family will “turn them gay,” don’t be. It’s not true. Personal attraction comes later in life, and your child has the freedom and right to choose who they love no matter what. Being raised in an LGBT family will not make them gay, just as being raised in a heterosexual family doesn’t make them straight. 

Is it worth considering an LGBT couple to adopt your baby? 

Absolutely! There is so much to keep in mind regarding LGBT adoption, and the pros of LGBT adoption far outweigh the cons. The cons of LGBT adoption that we listed can easily be overcome, and the adoptive parents you select for your child will do their best to provide them with the most loving and successful life possible. LGBT couples are wonderful to work with simply because of how understanding and accepting they are about life. 

Your baby needs to be raised by a couple who genuinely has an interest in him or her. Thankfully, LGBT couples fit this profile perfectly and would be one of the best types of family models to consider when looking at prospective adoptive parents. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is here to help you with LGBT adoption and we hope that you will reach out to us with any questions, comments or concerns. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071

Meet the Author: Jason Legasse is a rising senior English major studying at Siena Collegein Loudonville, New York. He hails from the Albany, New York area, but has plans to relocate to sunny Venice, Florida with his mom come Fall. After completing his bachelor’s degree, Jason plans to study General Special Education at Meredith College, where he will earn a Master’s degree and use that to teach middle school Special Education.

Jason is a self-proclaimed introvert with Asperger’s who really enjoys writing. He has a huge passion for helping others, specifically those with disabilities. He is very excited to be working with Adoption Choices over the summer, and looks forward to learning more about the adoption process! 

Citation: https://culturacolectiva.com/lifestyle/sweetest-and-cute-lgbt-celebrity-couples-in-hollywood

 

Open Adoption and a Birth Father

Open Adoption and a Birth Father

With Father’s Day in June around the corner, you may be interested in learning more about open adoption and a birth father. There is a lot of information available about the birth mother, but not as much regarding the role of the birth father. A birth father is just as important as a birth mother, and knowing how each birth parent impacts the adoption process is essential. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri is dedicating the entire month of June to celebrating and honoring birth fathers and their importance in the adoption journey. We feel they deserve the same recognition that we give birth mothers. So, this week, let’s explore how open adoption agreements affect birth fathers.  

What is a Birth Father?

To begin, it’s important that we understand who a birth father is. Put simply, a birth father is the biological father of a child who has been or is in the process of being adopted. He may be married to the birth mother or divorced. In a new relationship with her or in a civil union. A birth father does not have custody of his child, nor does he pay child support of any kind. Depending on the specific circumstances and his relationship status with the birth mother, he may or may be permitted parental rights over his child. 

There are generally two different types of birth fathers — known and unknown. A known birth father is one who is still in the picture; an unknown birth father is not. If the birth father is known, he will need to sign away his parental rights in order for the adoption to be legally finalized. If the birth father is unknown when the birth mother chooses to place her baby for adoption, Adoption Choices of Missouri will do our due diligence in trying to find him. 

What is Open Adoption?

Open adoption is one form of adoption where birth parents and adoptive parents can establish a relationship with each other, and the birth parents can learn how their child is doing post adoption. Because open adoption keeps everyone’s best interests at heart, Adoption Choices of Missouri encourages all our birth parents and adoptive parents to consider an open adoption agreement when beginning their adoption journey. It has the potential to create a lifelong connection between all parties of the adoption triad, and redefine what a traditional family is. 

Open Adoption and a Birth Father

For a birth father, open adoption can be a great option, particularly if they want to know how their child is doing post adoption. Seeing pictures, receiving letter updates and having communication with the adoptive family can help birth fathers affirm that they made the right choice. It can also help them healthfully grieve and move forward in their lives.

In an open adoption agreement, a birth father has the opportunity to be present for important milestones throughout their child’s life as he or she grows up. He can arrange to spend time with the child in person or through virtual communication and build a relationship with him or her. In doing so, he is able to answer the child’s questions about why he chose to place them for adoption and explain how much he loves them. Choosing an open adoption agreement as a birth father demonstrates immense courage and trust, both in himself and in the adopted parents. 

Being a Birth Father

Being a birth father is not a shameful thing, and open adoption can help end that stereotype. The presence of a birth father in the adopted child’s life can benefit the child’s understanding of who they are and their ancestry, creating an invaluable bond. If a birth father is known and in the picture, being involved in an open adoption and their child’s life is an incredible blessing. It’s important that he respect all boundaries put into place by the adoptive parents and that he acknowledges his specific role in the open adoption agreement. He is not there to co-parent, as he relinquished his rights along with the birth mother before the adoption was finalized. Rather, he is there to provide answers to the child, support the adoptive parents and receive peace of mind that the child is growing up healthy, safe and happy.

Being a present birth father has benefits for both the child and the birth father. The active role of a birth father in an open adoption is unlike any other. A birth father can make a crucial difference in a child’s life where his presence can complete the notion of what a family is and what familial relationships are for the child. In return, a present birth father gets to know and witness that the child is thriving in his or her adopted family. As the child grows up knowing his or her birth father, they may find it easier to develop their individuality. In an open adoption, the child is not wondering where their birth father is or why the birth father is not involved. A present birth father provides a sense of wholeness for the child in an open adoption and also helps fill a gap for the adopted family in terms of answering questions the child may have about his or her birth family. 

Adoption Choices of Missouri acknowledges the significance of birth fathers and aims to highlight their presence in adoption, answer questions about open adoption, and provide support through every part of the adoption journey. Adoption Choices of Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more! Call us now at 1-877-903-4488 or Text Us (816) 527-9800 or email us. 

Additional Sources:

https://www.cradle.org/blog/5-tips-birth-parents-open-adoption-relationship

https://adoptionnetwork.com/birth-father-rights-in-adoption

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