If you have found this article, you are probably an expectant mother considering adoption as an option for a unplanned, crisis, or unwanted pregnancy. Since we are often asked similar questions, 1) you can trust that you are not alone! And 2) we have compiled some of our most common adoption questions asked by expectant mothers considering adoption with Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri.
1. If I contact Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri, am I obligated to choose adoption?
When you contact Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri, an adoption specialist will help you objectively explore adoption to determine if it is the best choice for you and your baby, and they will help answer any of your other adoption questions. If you decide adoption is right for you, your adoption specialist will begin working with you on your adoption plan.
2. How much will adoption cost me?
All of Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri services are free to you, including medical expenses, legal services, counseling services, adoptive family matching services and more. Also, based on your state’s adoption laws, you may be eligible to receive living expenses to help cover your pregnancy-related expenses.
3. Do I choose the adoptive family?
You are in charge of nearly every part of your adoption plan, including choosing the adoptive family to raise your baby. Your adoption specialist will work with you to find exactly the type of family you see your child growing up in.
Whether you envision your child growing up in the city or in the country, in the Midwest or on the West Coast, you choose the adoptive family and thus the life your child will have. Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri families are all unique, and we believe there is a perfect family waiting for every woman who is considering adoption.
4. How does Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri screen adoptive families?
Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri pre-screens all of our adoptive families to ensure that they:
- Have completed an extensive home study, ensuring the family has completed criminal, medical and financial checks, and that their home is a safe environment for a child.
- Are fully committed to adoption.
- Are accepting of certain contact with you before and after the adoption, including participating in a conference call, meeting at the hospital, and sending pictures and letters for up to 18 years after the adoption.
Finally, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri will provide you with a wealth of knowledge about any family that matches your preferences, so you can perform your own “screening process.”
5. Can I get to know the adoptive family?
We believe it is very important for you to get to know the family you have chosen before proceeding with the adoption. This ensures that it is a good match and that you both share the same goals.
Here are some ways in which you can get to know the adoptive parents:
- Conference Calls – A phone conversation between you and the adoptive family with your adoption specialist being present on the call as well.
- Email Exchange – A popular way to quickly ask questions or provide updates without having to call one another.
- Visits – An in-person meeting between you and the adoptive parents.
Your adoption specialist will help guide you throughout this process of getting to know the adoptive parents and selecting the type of adoption you wish to plan.
6. Can I have a relationship with my baby?
Over the past few decades, adoption has become increasingly “open” in that birth parents have more opportunities than ever to continue a relationship with their child and the adoptive parents.
You have the opportunity to stay a part of your child’s life with:
- Pictures and Letters – The adoptive family sends you pictures and letters in the mail or email of your child at least once per year.
- Phone Calls/Skype – You may talk to your child and the adoptive parents over the phone or through Skype.
- Visits – Many of our adoptive families are interested in open adoption, meaning they are excited for you to maintain a personal relationship with your child.
7. Will my child “hate” me for choosing adoption?
Today, most adopted children love and respect their birth parents for the selfless decision they made, which provided them with the best life possible. Think about it: a child who grows up with loving parents, a comfortable home, a good school and is provided an overall great life is going to be a pretty happy kid.
Why would a child have any ill feelings toward his or her birth parents for making such an awesome decision?
This concern is most likely a product of adoptions prior to the 1980s, which emotionally scarred some adopted children because they weren’t told of their adoption properly. Since adoption has opened up over the past 30 years, today’s adopted children, adolescents and adults often have overwhelmingly positive feelings about their adoption and birth parents.
8. Can I still choose adoption if I have other children?
You may be surprised to know that many of the women we work with already have children.
If this describes your situation, your adoption specialist will guide you on how to approach this delicate topic with your other children, and even on how to include them in the process. We can even provide counseling to your other children, when necessary.
9. Will adoptive parents love my child like a biological child?
Nearly all adoptive parents have tried for years to have children, but they are unable to because of infertility. Because of their struggles, it makes their desire to become parents even stronger.
This is why adopted children often have such happy lives filled with opportunities, because their parents know the feeling of not having children. Once they are blessed with a child, he or she is truly the light of their lives.
And even with families made up of both adopted and biological children, they are all loved and treated equally.
10. When will I feel better and more confident about my adoption decision?
Women often feel better about their adoption decision when they begin looking at adoptive families and finally find the perfect family for their child.
If you pursue an adoption plan, once you select a family and get to know them, the family becomes more “real” and not just a family seen through pictures and video. You are able to see how excited they are to become parents and why they would make such great parents.
Finally, by staying connected after the adoption, you will see that your child is happy and healthy, which makes most birth mothers feel awesome about the life they’ve created and the opportunity they’ve provided for a family.
This is just a sample of the many questions asked by women considering adoption. If you have any other questions about adoption, call us toll free at Toll Free: 1-877-903-4488 to speak with an adoption specialist. Serving expectant women across Kansas and Missouri, you can also contact us online here.