Monthly Archives: December 2018

Top 10 Tips for Adoptive Families from Adoptees

We have compiled top tips from adoptees for adoptive families in navigating adoption:

1. TREAT ALL CHILDREN IN THE HOUSEHOLD EQUALLY

  • Younger child may feel an older child gets more freedom (explain rationale behind decisions)
  • Different treatment for different personalities (equally, not the same)
  • Gender differences
  • The eldest feeling pressured to always having to set the example
  • Adopted parents birth children treated better than adopted children

2. ALWAYS LISTEN TO US AND OUR VIEWS

  • We may not always be sure when and if we can speak about adoption
  • Give us more opportunities to voice our opinions/concerns/worries
  • Try to see it from the child’s perspective

3. PREPARE US AND FIND WAYS TO TELL US THAT WE ARE ADOPTED

  • Make sure that the child and parent are on the same page
  • Tell us when we’re younger and elaborate as we grow up with age appropriate information
  • No big surprises!

4. BE PREPARED FOR OUR REACTION TO BIG NEWS RELATED TO US, OUR BIRTH PARENTS AND/OR OUR ADOPTION

  • Expect us to be angry/sad/confused when we hear certain news about our birth family, but this does not mean that we don’t want to hear it. E.g. birth parent having another child
  • Have tissues!
  • We will worry about our medical history if you keep it from us

5. DON’T EXPECT US TO GROW UP PERFECT

  • Nobody is perfect
  • Accept that we may just get angry sometimes and it has nothing to do with us being adopted
  • Look after us as we are – do not try to mold us into someone we’re not
  • Expect challenging behaviour
  • Give us space

6. DO NOT COMPARE US TO OUR FRIENDS OR YOUR FRIENDS’ CHILDREN

  • Comparing us to other children causes stress and can lead to issues and problems with family
  • It doesn’t acknowledge our background and can make us feel like we’re not good enough
  • Being compared to someone/something makes us feel like we’re not understood
  • It’s not just parents – peers and teachers too

7. UNDERSTAND THAT SEPARATION AND DEATH CAN BE A TRIGGER FOR US

  • When a birth family member dies it affects the child more than you think and if not handled correctly can have a lasting impact
  • If you are separated from loved ones and they die you can feel very guilty that you didn’t spend time with them – there can be ways of marking it; photos, memories e.g.
  • Writing their name somewhere as permanent as possible
  • Reading the books and watching films you may have watched together

8. LOVE US NO MATTER WHAT

  • If we fall out with you make sure you still show us that you love us
  • We might worry that we will go back into care
  • Telling us that you care but more so show us you care
  • Communicate!
  • Be there when we need you
  • Help us to find a safe place/person to turn to (Have a good network)

9. BE OPEN AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT BIRTH PARENTS AND BE AS POSITIVE AS POSSIBLE

  • When we get letters from our birth parents it can be awkward and hard for everyone
  • Understand that we will be curious, not everyone, but some of us are
  • It is better to be supportive rather than us looking on social media by ourselves
  • Be creative, find another way to possibly satisfy the need, but don’t push us away
  • Sharing information and knowledge about birth parents is important because people need to remember who we actually are and – like it or not they will always be part of us
  • Be aware that we will tune into your feelings about our birth parents

10. BE THERE THROUGHOUT OUR WHOLE LIFE AND NEVER LEAVE

  • Try and work on issues rather than give up
  • Do things to keep the connection
  • Explain things to us as much as possible
  • Be aware that if you do have to leave show you’re coming back; give reassurance and acknowledgment. Adopted child may still have major abandonment issues (example of dad going on away on business trips and not sure if he would come back)
  • Be aware that support can be found within the extended family
  • Be aware that no matter the age we may need a higher amount of reassurance than the average child

Do you have more tips to share with our readers or ready to begin your adoption journey? Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri is here to help! Call or text anytime! 1-877-903-4488

 

5 Tips for Birth Parents in an Open Adoption Relationship

Like any relationship in your life, open adoption is built on trust and respect. You trust that the people you chose to raise your child will love and nurture him or her, and your child’s parents will trust in you to love your child and be there when he or she may need you to be.

Here are five tips to keep your open adoption relationship healthy for everybody involved:

  1. Acknowledge everyone’s boundaries. Call the child by the name that the adoptive parents have given him or her, not the one you may have wanted, and call yourself by your first name, or the “title” you discussed with the adoptive parents. This way, it’ll be clear for your child who plays what role in their life. If need be, be open and honest with the adoptive family about how contact and visits feel for you. Your feelings may change over time and that’s perfectly okay. If you need a break or some time to grieve, speak up.
  2. Respect the adoptive parents’ role. Like all parents, adoptive parents will be the ones making decisions for their child after placement. No matter what you think about their parenting style, don’t try and insert your own  opinions or how you would handle something. Let them parent like you trusted in them to do when you chose them. That being said, it’s okay to ask how they’re doing and offer help or support when it’s requested, but be sure to respect the roles and boundaries that were discussed during the adoption planning process.
  3. Keep in contact. Ask if it’s a good time to talk when you call; everybody is busy and just like you have your own life, your child’s parents do, too! Don’t take this personally, having a newborn can be time consuming! When you try to plan, offer adoptive parents a few times to call when you will be available so you don’t have to play phone tag.
  4. Plan visits in advance. Try not to be late to any planned visits and call ahead if you’re going to be. Decide with your child’s parents how long you should stick around that day; while you may not want your time to be too short, you also don’t want to overstimulate or wear out your child. Choose a place to visit that is comfortable for everyone, such as a park or restaurant where you can do something structured. At the end of the visit, make a point to schedule the next time you’ll be in touch or want to visit so that everyone has the same expectations.
  5. Keep appropriateness in mind. If you are unsure about how to proceed in your relationship with the adoptive family, be open and honest with your child’s parents about these feelings. If you need help with how to navigate that conversation, please call your counselor for consultation. Though it may go without being said, do not drink alcohol or use drugs prior to a visit. If there is an out of the ordinary activity that you would like to do with the child, ask his or her parents first to make sure they’re okay with it.

Use Adoption Choices of Kansas & Missouri as a resource if you are experiencing difficulties in your open adoption relationship. If you feel contact with the adoptive family is not going as you expected, talk with your counselor. Often, birth parents and adoptive parents simply misunderstand each others’ expectations, and genuinely want to be a part of each others’ lives.

Happy New Year 2019

Happy New Year from Adoption Choices of Kansas & Missouri!

To our waiting families, it is our HOPEthat your baby will find his/her way home to you in 2019.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” 

To our expectant mothers and families, it is our goal to have you have PEACEof mind in whatever you think is best for you and your child.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

Missouri Adoption Agency

If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, you are looking for a Missouri Adoption Agency. At Adoption Choices of Missouri, we provide adoption services to help.
Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

Missouri Adoption Services

At no cost to you, Adoption Choices of Missouri is available to provide you with financial help with some expenses, housing, food, sundries, bus pass, and other necessities to make your pregnancy comfortable, medical care, and support counseling. We are here for you. A caring caseworker from Adoption Choices of Missouri will be by your side to provide you with comfort and emotional support. Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

Adoption is not giving up

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and/or considering adoption for your baby, it is important that you feel confident in your decision and it is also important to know that you are not “giving up” your baby. Your decision to make an adoption plan is a strong and selfless choice that puts the needs of your child above your own. This decision will provide your baby with the ultimate gift of life and will also fulfill the dreams of hopeful Adoptive Parents who might not otherwise be able to parent. Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

Understanding The Steps To An Adoption

Step 1: Choosing Adoption for Your Baby– Choosing to place your baby for adoption is a difficult decision to consider. Make sure to research all your options before making the decision that is right for you and your baby.

Step 2: Making an Adoption Plan– If you have made the decision to place your baby or child for adoption, you will need to reach out to an adoption professional such as Adoption Choices of Missouri. We will help you in creating the right adoption plan for you and your baby. Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

Step 3: Finding an Adoptive Family– Choosing the perfect adoptive family for your baby may seem like an overwhelming task, but all of our families are carefully screened so that you, the birth mother, can have the peace of mind that you chose the right family for your baby. All of our Adoptive Families are required to complete a state home studyas well as a background check. We have helped a multitude of birth mothers find the family of their dreams, who will love, nurture and support their baby.

Step 4: Getting to Know the Adoptive Family– Adoption has changed over the last couple decades and open adoption is a term we are hearing more often. Open adoption allows for the birth mother and/or birth parents to have contact during and after birth. The degree and type of openness, of course, is dependent upon each situation, but contact can include sharing photos, phone calls, video calls, texts, and sometimes even visits. Most adoption experts and adoption professionals believe that open adoption is the healthiest choice for all parties involved, but they also highlight that the level of openness should be contingent on what is best for the child.

Step 5: Creating an Adoption Hospital Plan– Your Adoption Specialist or adoption professional will work with you to create the right hospital plan for you depending on your needs and wants. Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

Step 6: Post-Adoption Recovery– After leaving the hospital, you will experience highs and lows, as you recover from giving birth and placing your child for adoption. It is important to allow yourself time and space to heal physically and emotionally. Your body needs to heal, so be sure to slowly ease back into your routine. It may take 6-12 weeks to physically recover, depending on the type of delivery you had.

Step 7: Communicating with the Adoptive Parents– The form of communication you will have with the Adoptive Parents will be determined by the level of openness in your adoption. Today, many Birth Mothers are in an open adoption situation, where they receive photos and letters. Some also have contact with the adoptive family through texts, social media, email, video calling and even regular face-to-face visits. Again, this type of contact depends on the openness of your adoption.

placing baby for adoption

Every Birth Mother’s circumstances and reasons for choosing adoption are unique. For some women, abortion is not an option and they need to choose between parenting or adoption. Some birth mothers choose adoption because they do not have the financial resources or support to parent, some are not mentally or emotionally ready to parent and others do not want to raise a child in the environment he/she will be born into.

For those considering adoption, the decision will be a difficult and emotional one. If you have family or friends that are open and will be supportive of whatever decision you make, it will be helpful to discuss your options with them. If not, reach out to an adoption professional who can also discuss all of your options and help guide you through the adoption process if you decide that is the right choice for you and your baby.

Call us at (877) 903-4488 or Text us at (316) 209-2071

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