Adoption Plan Questions to Considerfor Birth Mothers
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and choose adoption, be assured that options and opportunities will not suddenly disappear once you make the decision to place your baby for adoption in Kansas and Missouri. Rather, your loving choice is simply the first in a series of choices you will make during your adoption journey. An effective way to organize the various options you get to choose from in a way that best fits you and your baby’s needs is creating an adoption plan. By doing so, you are taking control of your adoption journey and building a solid foundation for your baby’s future.
The more aware you are of the options you have to consider when tailoring your adoption plan, the better control you will have throughout the adoption process. That’s why Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri has put together this list of adoption plan questions to consideras you design a plan that will make you feel confident in choosing adoption.
Determining the Role You’ll Play as a Birth Mother Choosing Adoption
One of the most important things you will have to decide on is how involved you want to be in your child’s life post-placement. The level of involvement you choose to take on will determine whether your child’s adoption will be open, semi-open, or closed. In order to determine which type of adoption will allow you to fulfill the role you want to play in your child’s life, you might want to think about the following:
- Do I want a relationship with my child?
- Do I want a relationship with my child’s adoptive family?
- How often do I wish to hear from my child or their adoptive family?
- Will holidays and birthdays be easier with more or less contact?
- Will I or my child have regrets if we will never be able to contact each other?
- Will contact with my child in any way compromise their safety?
- What level of contact will be a good balance of being involved and respecting boundaries?
- How much distance do I need from my child’s life to move on?
- Will more or less contact reinforce my confidence or stir doubts about choosing adoption?
- Do I want to establish contact with my child only after they turn 18?
- Do I have concerns about my personal privacy if I establish contact?
- Do I want to feel part of my child’s adoptive family?
- How far away do I want my child to live from me?
- Should there be any contact with the birth father or members from my family?
Envisioning Your Child’s Future as a Birth Mother
You are giving your child an opportunity to grow up in the environment you believe to be best for them in choosing adoption. When deciding on the adoptive family who will raise your child, there are some questions to ask yourself about the many characteristics about them and their lifestyles that you will need to factor into your decision. These include, but are not limited to:
- Should I choose a couple or single person to adopt my child?
- If a couple is raising my child, should they be married?
- If a couple is raising my child, is their relationship stable?
- Should the adoptive family have experience raising other adopted children?
- Do I want my child to grow up in a religious or spiritual environment?
- Do I want the adoptive parents to have a more hands-off or structured parenting style?
- Are there disciplinary actions I am uncomfortable with the adoptive parents using?
- Am I open to an LGBT couple or individual raising my child?
- How does the adoptive family feel about traditional gender roles?
- Am I open to my child growing up with parents of a different cultural background?
- What values do I want the adoptive family to instill in my child?
- Do I want my child to live in an urban, rural, or suburban setting?
- In what kind of school environment do I want my child to be educated?
- Should one parent stay home?
- Do the parents’ careers allow for work-life balance?
- What kind of income should the adoptive family have?
- Will my child be an only child or have siblings?
- Do I want my child to grow up around pets?
- What kind of household responsibilities should my child have as they get older?
- In what part of the country do I want my child raised?
- Do I want my child to grow up in a more liberal or conservative community?
- How involved should other family members be in my child’s upbringing?
- What kind of hobbies and interests do the adoptive parents have?
- Does the adoptive family have a healthy and active lifestyle?
- Does the adoptive family get involved in community service?
- Are there any criminal records on immediate or extended members of the adoptive family?
- Are the adoptive parents generally risk-averse or risk-taking?
- In the event my child has a disability, will the adoptive parents be able to handle the situation lovingly and competently?
Preparing for Your Adoption Hospital Stay
The day of your baby’s arrival will bring a wave of strong emotions and may be stressful for you. To ensure that the delivery and hospital stay goes as smoothly as possible, you will want to plan ahead to ease some of your anxiety. It’s okay if not everything goes completely according to plan as it rarely ever does, but the better prepared you feel, the more likely you will have an overall positive experience. Here are some things to consider when planning your hospital stay:
- What will I need to pack ahead of time before leaving for the hospital?
- Will the delivery be vaginal or via C-section?
- Which doctor or midwife do I want to deliver my baby?
- Am I aware of any drug allergies or health conditions that may complicate the delivery?
- How will I get to and from the hospital?
- What kind of atmosphere do I want in the delivery room (i.e. dim lighting, favorite music playing, soothing aromas, etc.)?
- Will I need an epidural if delivering vaginally?
- Do I want the birth father present at the delivery?
- Do I want the adoptive family present at the delivery?
- Do I want my friends and family present at the delivery?
- Do I want pictures to be taken?
- What level of contact do I want with my baby after delivery?
- Who will cut the umbilical cord?
- Do I want to nurse my baby?
- Do I want to bathe my baby?
- Will I need alone time with my baby?
Your Adoption Plan as a Birth Mother
Remember that you can adjust your adoption plan at any time as you deem necessary. While these adoption plan questions to considermay not consist of everything you need to account for, they are a good place to start.
If you are a birth mother in Kansas, Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri can provide you with guidance and support as you create your adoption plan.
Meet the Author: Mary DeStefano is an Ohio native currently living in northern Virginia and works in the litigation consulting industry where she has experience in antitrust, product liability, and mass torts matters. She holds a B.A. in Economics (‘15) and an M.A. in Applied Economics (‘16) from the University of Cincinnati.
Mary finds great meaning in wielding the written word to develop impactful narratives and to help people stay informed. In her spare time, Mary can be found beachcombing and going on other adventures with her dog along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay. She also has an affinity for antiquing and loves a good 80’s movie marathon.