5 of the Best Questions to Ask Potential Adoptive Parentsas a Birth Mother in Kansas
Research. It’s not just for writing academic papers. It’s one of the biggest components you need to do whenever you make a decision you’re unsure about. Looking into plans for adoption is no exception. There are so many questions that you find you need to research and figure out as you navigate through your decision. Do I need to go through an adoption agency? If I do, do I need to fit a certain criteria for them? How much is the entire process if I have to pay for it? Do I have to pay? Can I talk to the potential adoptive parents?
You may have certain things in mind that you’ll want for your child that you hope the adoptive parents adhere to. Or, you may wonder if potential adoptive parents are truly ready to be committed and active in your child’s life. It’s probably hard to decide what questions you should even ask. So, to help you get started, here are a few questions to ask potential parentsto help you make the best decision.
- Are you sure about your choice to adopt?
This question is one that’s probably the first in your head anyway, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Deciding to adopt is an important step, much like placing your child for adoption. You want to make sure that your child’s adoptive parents have truly given parenting a lot of thought.
Asking them this may also help you understand their reasons and motivations behind their choice. How they decided that growing their family through adoption was the right option for them, and what they’ve been through. Adoption may not have been their first stop to parenthood, or maybe it’s been something they’ve thought about for years. Each and every adoptive parent is unique in this way.
- Will your job allow you to spend time with my child?
While so many jobs allow adoptive parents to take family leave or work flexible hours, there are still many jobs that require long hours from both parents, not just one. If you’re looking for your child to grow up in a home where he or she is able to share meals and have family time together, then this is an important question to ask the potential adoptive parents. Let them know that this is an aspect you are looking for and would like your child to grow up with.
- What are your beliefs/values?
Do you have a preference when it comes to politics, religion or family values? If you want your child to be raised within a religious or faith-based home, discussing this with the potential adoptive parents may be near the top of your list of questions. More times than not, though, your adoption caseworker will have selected adoptive parent profiles that included your political, religious and family value requests.
So, when you meet the adoptive parents for the first time, ask them to expand. To further describe the importance of these elements in their lives, and how it will impact your child. If you worry this is too much to ask — it’s not. If this is important to you and something you want your child to have, ask away!
- How did you two meet? What is your relationship like??
While asking this may seem a bit off base, it could show you a lot about who the adoptive parents are as people. How they respond to each other. Their views on family, children, parenting and, even, life in general. Also — how they communicate, and how they handle conflicts.
All of these aspects and more will be important for you to know when you are selecting your child’s adoptive parents. You’ll want to make sure that the adoptive parent(s) have a strong, healthy and loving relationship. That they are comfortable telling your child about adoption, and having you be a part of their lives as well if you are looking for an open adoption agreement. Listen to your instincts with this one. Watch their body language. This can also reveal a lot.
If you are meeting with a single parent, however, this question will not apply.
- What’s your town/community like?
This is a very important question, especially if you are looking for a transracial or LGBT+ adoption. There are so many adoptive parents willing to love your child, no matter their nationality, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. However, there are just as many who are uncomfortable and hesitant with this. You’ll want to ensure that you are choosing the adoptive parents who fit the best with you and your child.
Studies have shown that raising a child in a more diverse neighborhood or community helps them grow up with a better understanding of other cultures and views. It also helps them to become more tolerant and accepting of different groups of people. If this is something you’re wanting for your child, don’t be afraid to ask the potential adoptive parents this question.
Questions for Birth Mothers to Ask Potential Adoptive Parents
This is, in no way, an exhaustive list. Yet, we feel that these are five of the best questions you should ask prospective adoptive parents if any or all of these areas are important to you. Selecting the couple or individual who will raise your child is not a decision to be made lightly. It may take a while to find the best fit for what you are looking for. But that’s ok. You are in control of the adoption journey and can take all the time you need.
If you have other questions you’d like to ask, but aren’t sure if they are appropriate or worded correctly, don’t hesitate to consult with your adoption caseworker.
Adoption Choices of Kansas and Missouri serves birth parents statewide and beyond, please call us or text us to learn more!
Call us toll free at 1-877-903-4488 or, in Missouri call or text us at (816) 527-9800; in Kansas call or text us at (316) 209 2071
Meet the Author: Gabrielle Willis is a lover of writing and knowledge, which shows in her everyday life. She graduated with a Bachelors in English in 2013, and recently graduated with a Masters in Creative Writing. She has also worked in the education sector for over 10 years, recently becoming a Literacy Tutor. At her core, her passion is reading and writing, and she loves sharing that with others.
She enjoys helping those considering adoption or going through the adoption process any way she can. This internship opportunity truly resonated with her and she hopes that her words will connect and inspire everyone who reads them.