Selecting Your Child’s Adoptive Parentsas a Birth Mother in Kansas
Some things in life that require a specific mindset. One where we must ask questions and conduct thorough research to ensure that the outcome is one that we know we did the best.
Finding the adoptive parents who you believe are suitable for your child is no exception. Parents help to build and shape the foundation of a child. They are responsible for being a good role model and influencing your child’s life in a positive and healthy way. As a birth mother,
you’re, no doubt, trying to figure out how to find just the right family for your child. If you’re having a hard time sorting through all your questions or t don’t know where to begin, be sure to discuss all of this with your adoption caseworker. They will help give you a starting point, answer your questions, and guide you through the matching process.
Things to Consider when Selecting Your Child’s Adoptive Parents
Here are a few things you may want to address when looking at potential adoptive parents:
- How much contact do you want with your child’s adoptive parents?
One of the many things you’ll need to determine is the level of openness and how much communication you want to have with your child’s adoptive parents. There are three types to choose from: open, semi-open and closed. Be sure to talk to your adoption caseworker to see what each of these entails. If you already know that you’d like to have an open adoption, what does that look like? How often would you like to be able to communicate with your child and your child’s adoptive parents? Are your child’s adoptive parents agreeable to this?
Making sure that you and your child’s adoptive parents are on the same page is very important. It will help ensure that your adoption journey overall will run smoothly.
- What type of adoptive family would you like for your child?
If you have certain attributes that you are looking for in an adoptive family, then write them down and discuss them with your potential adoptive parents. Are you looking for a couple or individual who lives in a certain location? Do you want your child to grow up with pets or other siblings? Is race or religion important to you? Whatever preferences you have, write them down so you can remember these as discussion points. Discuss them with your adoption caseworker and potential adoptive parents. See where the prospective adoptive couple or individual match up and fall short. Be mindful that no adoptive parent is going to be perfect, but see who has the most important aspects in their day-to-day life.
- Are you able to have open and honest dialogue with them?
The best way to get to know your child’s potential adoptive parents is to have open and honest discussions. As aforementioned, making a list of what you would like and are looking for in your child’s adoptive parents is a great way to get to know them. After letting them know what you envision, be sure to listen to their suggestions and viewpoints. Encourage them to bring up any concerns they have as well. They may have questions about your background, the birth father’s background, other family information and so on. So, it’s important to be prepared for that. Open dialogue can help prepare you and your child’s potential adoptive parents for the future, and help you build a strong, healthy relationship with them.
- Do you feel comfortable around them?
Let’s be honest. There are so many adoptive families waiting for the opportunity to love your child. They may look spectacular on paper and sound great in person if you have the opportunity to talk with them. But if, after going through all of that, you still feel uneasy about the situation, don’t feel pressured or obliged to choose them.
Your instincts can give you a good indication when something is wrong, even when it seems right. This is heightened when you’re pregnant and you’re looking for that special family you believe can raise your child in a way that you wanted to, but couldn’t. There’s nothing wrong with listening to your gut when selecting your child’s adoptive parents.
Making the Final Decision
After all the planning, researching and conversing, it’s time to make that final call. Who’s going to be the family you choose for your child? It may feel like a game show, trying to decide which play will lead to the grand prize. But, unlike game shows, you don’t have to have all the answers in thirty minutes or less. Take all the time you need to figure out what avenue is right for you and the baby. Be sure to communicate this with your child’s potential adoptive parents. Some may be eager to hear your decision, as they are ready to become parents as soon as possible. Others may be fine with you taking your time, as they may have some things to figure out themselves. Whichever type of parents you’re considering, don’t rush your decision. It’s one you have to live with, so make sure it’s the right one.
Being selective in what’s important to you is to be commended. The search for your child’s potential adoptive parents can be overwhelming, but super rewarding when you’ve found the right one.
Meet the Author: Gabrielle Willis is a lover of writing and knowledge, which shows in her everyday life. She graduated with a Bachelors in English in 2013, and recently graduated with a Masters in Creative Writing. She has also worked in the education sector for over 10 years, recently becoming a Literacy Tutor. At her core, her passion is reading and writing, and she loves sharing that with others.
She enjoys helping those considering adoption or going through the adoption process any way she can. This internship opportunity truly resonated with her and she hopes that her words will connect and inspire everyone who reads them.