As an adoptee, you’ve wondered about the why’s of your adoption. Why was I placed for adoption? Why couldn’t my birth mother keep me? Why were my adoptive parents chosen? Why am I struggling with my identity? All in all, you were brought into this world and then raised in it in an “unconventional” way. The curiosity you feel is only natural.
While your adoptive parents are able to satisfy most of your questions, there are some left unanswered. Specifically those regarding your birth mother. Whether your adoption is open, semi-open, or closed determines the level of contact you have with her. Regardless, you still wonder. What happened? Did she not want me? Does she even love me? Maybe you have burning questions for her that you’re too afraid to ask. Maybe you can’t ask her because you don’t see her.
Either way, Adoption Choices of Missouri has the answers you seek. While no two birth mothers are alike, they share common threads. Here are the top three things birth mothers want their children to know.
- They Didn’t Choose Adoption for Lack of Love
Many birth mothers carry around the fear that their children feel unloved. That they grew up believing they were unwanted instead of adored. In reality, birth moms chose adoption because they wanted the best for their child. They knew that they couldn’t offer him or her the life he or she deserved! Deciding to let their child live everyday life with another family was a sacrifice. Their hormones were all geared up to be mothers, and they quite literally denied their bodies and minds something they were physically and mentally prepared to do and be.
Never for a moment were you placed for adoption because you were unloved or unwanted. Your birth mother chose to place you for adoptionbecause she made sure to put your needs above her own. She neverstops thinking about you, nor does she stop loving you. Try not to let society and personal doubt skew this beautiful act, one that, in actuality, is full of nothing but love and meaningful consideration.
- They Still Grieve
Most birth moms, in time, find peace and acceptance with their decision. They’re happy that their child is being raised by loving parents. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t still grieve the loss of their child. There are so many joys in adoption, but there are also losses experienced by everyone. One of those losses is the loss of the birth mother’s opportunity to raise her child. That loss never goes away, and birth moms grieve in different ways, and in their own time.
Deciding to place you for adoption was no easy feat for your birth mother. Understand that while she may not regret her decision, she still grieve the loss of you. She knows she gave you a better life, a life you deserved. She only wishes she was the one able to offer it to you.
- They Will Always Honor The Adoptive Family
Birth mothers don’t love their child and then refuse to honor his or her adoptive family. If anything, they respect the family for stepping in during a time of need. When birth moms place their children for adoption, they give up a lot with that decision. For them to be angry with the adoptive family simply because they’re in pain and grieving loss would be contradictory. Do birth mothers hope that their child’s adoptive family has integrity with their promises? Yes. Do they hope the family speaks well of them? Yes. But as long as their child’s adoptive family is raising said child and taking care of him or her, birth moms will honor that love forevermore.
Your birth mother hand-picked your adoptive family. There’s a reason she chose them to raise you! She will always honor and appreciate them for that. Just as she’ll always love you.
Birth Mothers Want Their Children to Know
Your birth mother made the hardest decision of her life when she chose to place you for adoption. She loves you. She continues to grieve the loss of you. You are, and always will be, her world.